“Have you had an MRI before, Todd?” The emerald green outer appearance of the figure standing before me, complimented the beige interior of the alien examination room. Dim lighting exaggerated the blue neon glow of the digital displays. In this almost relaxing decor, I was too easily coerced over to the cold gurney, that was poised as if floating in front of what was as ominous as it was enormous, cylindrical machine.

“No, I’ve had a few other scans, but not an MRI.” I allowed my imaginative lens to clear into reality and took in the simple design of the imaging device. It’s smooth plastic exterior was now not threatening at all and combined with the quiet stillness of the dimly lit room, invited me to exhale slowly, and prepare to rest. I waved away the locomotions of thoughts rushing through the station of my mind, intending to use this time presenting, as a blessing – time to process this highly unusual day.

“Nothing to worry about” interrupted the nurse, her green scrubs rustling as she prepared the gurney with a standard hospital sheet, then opened her hand gesturing me to sit. “It makes a bit of noise and will take a little time, but you’ll be fine, just remember to keep still.” 

‘That would be a whole lot easier if I hadn’t just been told I had Parkinson’s disease ’ I thought to myself, almost allowing a wry smile – It was chased quickly away though by my hyper awareness to every tremor, twitch or other involuntary movement my body was producing – or perhaps my mind was creating psychosomatically. 

I followed the instructions and lay down on the flat surface as the nurse, slipped a pillow under my legs and gently adjusted my head into the correct position. “Would you like some headphones to listen to the radio?”

A rookie MRI mistake followed. “No thanks, I’d prefer not to.” I didn’t want this quiet time, to be interrupted by whichever ‘drive you home’ radio clones they were tuned into.

“Okay” the nurse uttered as she and the technician proceeded to cage my head with a claustrophobia  inducing, plastic ceremonial headpiece; stuffing it like the business end of a Christmas turkey with cushioning, whilst tightening the contraption till my ears went numb.

“Is that too tight?” 

“No.” My damned bravado decided to man the controls of my vocal system whilst my common sense was preoccupied somewhere over the rainbow. 

“I’m just placing something in your hand, Todd – if at any time you would like us to stop, or you need a break just give it a squeeze.” 

Mr Bravado again “No problem.” – ‘They’ll wheel me out of this contraption  stone cold dead before I press for help…’

With my pulse pounding away in my crushed earlobes, and an over exuberant tremor; the nurse had me sliding into the alien tech environment of the scanner. Two thoughts competed for my attention as I came to a halt inside the MRI scanner.

“I wish they had tilted my head forward a bit, I can hardly breathe…” along with;

“Was I meant to take my wedding ring off?”

“We are ready to start Todd, the machine will make some noise as it warms up and then we will begin, are you ok?” The question seemed to be one required rather than authentic, evidenced by the preemptive turning and heading for the apparent safety behind the glass. Whatever I am in for here, it’s not a place my new friends want to be!

Slightly agitated now, my last two thoughts were ushered out of my underperforming consciousness by a surly ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ – which thankfully translated on it’s way out as “Yes, I am fine thanks.”

I closed my eyes and contemplated that a nap was probably my best option here. It had been a heck of a day, having left my wife at home, still wiping away her tears, trying to act normally, as she began preparing our girl’s dinner, less than an hour ago. I took a deep breath and exhaled,  slowly, once again.

The scanner whirred to life with the gentle hum of a construction site, swarming with tradies, fighting each other to reach the shared deadline that must be rapidly approaching. I could hear an excavator slicing through concrete and rock then dropping it’s bucket load onto a pile of corrugated iron. A crane’s steel cable strained to pick up columns of steel, producing a squeal along with the increasing revs of the engine as it laboured to create the extra torque required…

‘Well done, Todd. Enjoy the serenity. Who would want headphones, when you can sit back and chill, to the natural elegant tones of a construction site?’ Before I could get further involved in an argument with myself, the technician informed me that we were ready to begin and kindly reminded me once more the importance of keeping still!

I escaped into a self-constructed bunker in the depths of my consciousness where I laughed – rather than cry – at the unintended carelessness of the technician. I clenched my eyes tight and relinquished control of my body to my brain stem; that up until recently at least, had been successful enough at keeping my involuntary systems in harmony. 

Bunkered down now, my breathing and my pulse, slowed to a gentle rhythm. My insistent impulse to swallow – which convinced me that any images captured would be shaken to a blur – kindly abated; yet still I was unable to escape completely from the excavation equipment. Alien beeps and honks now joined the chorus of offence, emanating from the MRI machine. It seemed to encroach ever closer into my personal space, like the walls of the garbage chute that very nearly made Princess Leia’s rescue attempt cataclysmic.

My wedding ring buzzed on my finger. A tingling warmth being created from the fine vibrations. I shuffled my hand as far down my side as I could, and felt it diminish enough to quiet my panic. Though this would surely be one of the most drawn out hours of my life – the opportunity for useful thought and reflection had now slipped off it’s perch and tumbled into oblivion.

When the cladded green technicians were finally content with my trauma, I emerged from the scanner, cloudy and shaken. An alien abduction and probing may well have been more comfortable and left me less confused. I sat on the edge of the gurney and sucked in a few oxygen laden breaths. As muddled as ever, one moment of clarity arose eloquently to make it’s point. ‘This is just the start of what is going to be one crazy ride.’ Though far from my original intention, I had no idea as to where to next, the swirling of my mind and thoughts, acted to dissolve my need to control this new uncharted direction of my life. I exhaled once again – this time with a sense of relief – que sera, sera.