Shaky Leadership

“A crossroads conundrum…”

(if you’re in a hurry, take a deep breath and a well earned break. Unless you are currently working in A+E, a break surely will not result in catastrophe. Who knows; a few minutes to read the ramblings of a ‘shaky leader’ may even help your efficiency! – skip to the challenge at the end!)

Have you ever had a crossroad thrust, uninvited, into your path?

After miles of driving and the fuel gauge slowly ebbing toward empty,  my eyes drifted up to the rear vision mirror and widened with surprise, as a crossroad dominated the elongated frame.  I could only have blinked, distracted for a second, and yet I seemed to have ploughed straight through it without any thought. No road signs warned of the crossroad nor hinted at the destination of its arms. It was so easily overlooked yet suddenly lay clinging by a thread, as a weight of regret. Instead, I had sped forward down the narrow, almost claustrophic lane – with no pause or consideration of where the crossroad may have led.  

The thought of return to take a closer look, is harshly mocked by the sheer cliff faces that plummet downward from the shoulder of the road, to a dark abyss below; offering no chance to pull over, no chance to turn around. To stop would be fruitless, as sadly, the reverse gear in this ‘81 ginger cruiser had long worn through and seized.

As acceptance of this missed opportunity to stop and reflect, seeps from my thoughts, my eyes roll back to the road ahead. The screeching brakes bite down hard – thankfully they are well cared for and warm – gripping the compacted mud as the car snakes to a halt. Another crossroad. This time street signs hint of advice, comfort and support; but closer inspection unveils any trace of text had long succumbed to the blistering sun – faded beyond recognition. 

Gazing to the west, an eerie low mist crawls inch by inch closer, wrapping its secrets in rolling vapour. Rising, rugged canyon walls conceal the road to the east, which winds acutely, but abruptly out of sight, shrouding the destination in mystery. Last, to continue ahead north, the road craves for the horizon as straight as the edge of a surgeon’s scalpel. Endless. No other crossroads in sight.

The familiarity of the road ahead beckons, beyond a single obstacle. The puddle is likely shallow, though the surface is reflective enough to mislead, casting a shadow of doubt, of risk, of fear. Hazy, mirage like questions begin to emerge. What is the destination? Is it worth the journey? Is it time for a new course? Or to double down, grimace, take a sharp breath, and push further and further onward? 

At the very end of the road, when the cloud of dust in the rear-view mirror settles, what will be the quality of the path you have paved?

 – I have now been a teacher for 17 years – 9 of these as a Primary Principal. I face an unusual crossroad. The first crossroad that blurred past far too quickly, was my recent diagnosis of ‘Young-Onset Parkinson’s Disease’. Incurable and progressive but treatable, and deep down I know … beatable.

In two short years – when we’d hoped for ten –  this next crossroad looms large. My pathway through treatment has led me to ‘Deep Brain Stimulation’. Brain surgery. And like a cheap surprise in a cereal box, this one holds a ‘kicker’. I would be one of only a handful, privileged to hear the static crackle of their own brain’s electrical activity. As to be a success – I’ll need to stay awake. Without this surgery, I’m not sure I possess the resources I need, to give to my family, my life and my work –  whilst I go ‘toe to toe’ with this fiendish villain.

I am left with  just a short time to reflect.

I choose to reflect first with gratitude.

I am grateful:

• to experience giving and receiving support, care and love each day; laying the foundation for opportunities to share and inspire joy.
• that the relationships with my children, my wife, my family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances motivate me, with an unyielding faith and desire to make a positive contribution.
• that even in the face of my latest challenge. I have options for treatment that others may not, and a level of comfort – physical, emotional and spiritual, out of reach for some. 
• for the privileged work that allows me the opportunity to change the world – for at least one child at a time.

So Here Lies My Challenge To You (and Me)…

In our self immersed – yet slavishly – busy world, demanding of peak performance and evidence; where feedback is so highly prized:

How often do we take the opportunity to thank those who have helped shape our world: our mentors, our muses, our teachers and leaders? (Skip to task) 

Recently, I was struck by a description one of my teachers applied to me. Not sure I’m ready to apply it to myself yet, but it is an apt description of those who inspired me.

I have a few people still to find and share my gratitude with; if you are up for this challenge:

Please take a moment to reflect, look up online, and send a message, postcard or thought to those who impacted you most – whether the impact was immediate and obvious, or distant and gentle  – moulding the person you have become. Where the opportunity has passed, perhaps a prayer, or a comment below.

– Todd

If this is not for you, please feel welcome to share or re-tweet, till it can give hope and joy to one requisitioning.